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RAIN p.92 - Burden by JocelynSamara RAIN p.92 - Burden by JocelynSamara
(Very early. But this may be the only chance I have to be online today, so I'll take what I can get.)

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Here’s a fun fact that a lot of folks don’t realize - or at least, won’t accept - about transgendered people: for most of us, if we could just NOT be transgendered, we would. Although I hesitate to call it an entirely horrible experience in every way, it IS painful, troublesome, lonely and just generally unfortunate to have to be like this.

I’ve heard a lot of cisgendered people who seem to insist that we can just turn it off and stop being transgendered at any time (not much different from the argument that “being gay is a choice” really). But if someone’s never been in a situation like that or had such feelings, how can they make a claim like that and call it fact?

I mean, you wouldn’t trust someone’s opinion on a movie if they never saw the movie, right?

Just some food for thought, I suppose.

©2004-2011
Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.
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:iconjiirachiis:
jiirachiis Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2015
i'm so glad you added that tidbit in the description! it's super great, especially for a non-binary as hell kid, to see that you're spreading awareness.

also, i dunno if you know this by now since this was posted like 4 years ago, but you should say 'transgender' not 'transgendered'. it's almost as if saying its temporary i guess? since it's like past tense and stuff.
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:iconvixtheninthfox:
VixTheNinthFox Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014
i'm both transgendered AND pansexual as well as having a girlfriend when i'm mtf, so much fuel for the hate fire but just have to get through that to live how i want and i have friends who are family to me
Reply
:iconfaebornstarseed:
FaebornStarseed Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I wrote an interesting comparison, maybe I'll post it sometime, about comparing a trans* person's feelings to 2 of the normal 5 senses.
Reply
:icontreager-sama:
treager-sama Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Absolutely agree... if I could have been born a AVERAGE CIS-GENDERED FEMALE... then I would have been 100% happy with that, and my life would have been much simpler up to this point.
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:iconhugomndz:
HugoMndz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Finally! Someone who understands all this mess, and I can identify with!
Reply
:icontucraz:
tucraz Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Student Traditional Artist

I love your statement:
I mean, you wouldn’t trust someone’s opinion on a movie if they never saw the movie, right?

I've had that 'Gay is a choice' stuff crammed down my throat all my life by all the straights. And all my life I fought the attraction I felt to many different people, the opposite sex being only one of the genders. I fought it. The only choice I made was to finally stop fighting something as natural to me as my height or hair color. So, yeah, I'm not listening to anyone anymore who hasn't read the actual playbook.

Reply
:iconwiinner159:
Wiinner159 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013
Description's right a non-trans like me wouldn't really understand what it's like to live the life trans do. But for me I feel that although I'll never truly understand why, it shouldn't mean I shouldn't at least try, I mean I've always wanted to be a person who doesn't care if another person's gay, lesbian, transsexual, etc.... and treat them all the same as a human being, which for me is a way of saying to give the person a chance before judging or any of that crap based of stereotypes or what was claimed to be true by someone who may not know the truth
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:iconfairportfan:
Fairportfan Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013

The question of whether a non-trans person can truly understand what it's like to be trans (or a straight person appreciate what it's like to be gay) puts me in mind of the punchline of the old joke, where the Pope is standing on his balcony, declaring that contraception is forbidden, and a housewife in the crowd below hollers:


"'Ey!  You no play-a da game, you no make-a da rule!"

Reply
:iconhereru:
hereru Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree. As a cisgendered, heterosexual person, I can never truly know--and therefore should never pretend to know--what the life experiences of a gay, lesbian, or transgendered person are like. Anyone who pretends that they can know, despite having never "been there" is just being ridiculous without realizing it.

The most that I could hope to offer is sympathy, and I wouldn't dream of being so presumptuous as to assume that I could empathize, or pass judgement.

Some people just need a reality check, and perhaps a healthy dose of respect and tolerance.
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:iconryu890:
Ryu890 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012
*sighs* Its very easy to make such calls about things you don't understand. Just two days ago I got told that my transgenderism didn't exist because I couldn't "Logically explain it." This coming from a mother who loves her children, believes in God, and continually try's to enforce clear logical fallicies (I am the Mom, therefor I am right). It was bizarrely ironic...but it hurt nonetheless.

But I'm ranting. XP
Reply
:iconryu890:
Ryu890 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012
I can't be normal. "Normal" isn't me. I can't sacrifice who I am, in my attempt to be who I am!
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:iconryu890:
Ryu890 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012
*shakes head* Really....this has been an issue for me. When I say I'm 'weirdly weird', I mean I'm weird among weird people.

I believe I'm transgendered for a reason, as opposed to being a 'normal' girl.

I wasn't upset my entire life. I just...gender didn't matter to me when I was young. Like, at all. All that mattered was video games....they were all I talked about. All I thought about. >_< It wasn't healthy, but it was my escape from much more pressing issues.


I've felt this way ever since I got out of there though. Ever since I started really interacting with society.



I guess..... *sighs* I'm not a typical trans-girl. And somehow....I always have this irrational fear that I won't be accepted among trans-circles, because I don't have those same exact feelings that are the 'norm' for trans-girls. >_<
Reply
:iconusagiknight:
UsagiKnight Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
That is the truest thing ever to say about people like us.

Being the opposite gender really isn't that important to us as much as the feeling that we want to be normal. And in some way feel like we belong. No different than how natural girls feel out of place if they suffer from an estrogen deficency. It is discouraging to know things need to be "done" before you can really feel natural in your own skin because of a natural fluke that happened upon birth. But at the same time I can see what people mean that you can stop being transgender. But the only way that can possibly work is if you are able to learn to cope with the body you have rather than replacing the feelings you already have. Even though its easy to just live with the body we are given, at the same time we can never fully erase our feelings. So yeah, out of all the people that wishes us to be normal, we are probably the ones that want it the most.

I also agree that dispite Gavin's desire to help, it is true that the fear sometimes overwhelms our natural reasoning towards our special ones. Do we want to be ourselves, or do we want friends that can love us. It really is a scary thought thinking we can't have both. But sometimes it happens and it sometimes causes us to suffer because we rather not be alone. It really is a burden for all us. And sometimes that will also cause people to sto no matter the pain.

Nice layout with a simple back and fore relation. It works well since this really is like a argument type of page with Gavin on one side and Rain on the other. Thus emphasizing the burden within the page.
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:iconjay-nomis:
Jay-Nomis Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011   Writer
This is a quote I once used in a short story based around some events in my real life... The person who said the line in the story and who said a similar line in real life was myself... I just don't remember what the real line was.

"I believe a person is normal only if the act like the person they feel they are. Changing your personality to fit what others expect of you is weird. You are who you are, regardless of what the world thinks of you. If your gay or bi or transgendered then that is your normal and you should be the you that you are deep inside your heart no matter what."

and that saying fits with my life beliefs... Those that try to pretend to be something their not just so others won't make fun of them are the odd ones... the ones that act on what they feel inside are the ones that are truly normal.

Sorry for the rant... This story just makes me remember some good friends...
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:iconsophienouveau:
sophienouveau Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
ah... it means "in this one" sorry ^^
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:iconsophienouveau:
sophienouveau Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Rain is so cute in this so! *lovesherrain*
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:iconsammichan83:
sammichan83 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011
EXACTLY!
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:iconavistew:
Avistew Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
I definitely understand. I mean, I'm sorry if I'm offensive accidentally by using a comparison that doesn't work and being insensitive (not my intention) but even though I'm not a transguy or anything like that (I don't feel like a cisfemale either, I feel gender neutral or like I don't have a gender or something, but I do feel like a female, physically) I know that the mere idea of wearing a skirt or dress or make-up or shaving my hairs or anything like that that "normal" girls do is just horrible to contemplate to me.
People are always thinking I'm being needlessly melodramatic or trying to get attention (even though they bring it up, not me) but it just feels /wrong/ to me. I ended up accepting to wear a dress for my upcoming wedding but it was a huge sacrifice for me (fortunately my fiancé realises that. It's just very important to me, not that I can understand).

I'm a female, as far as I'm concerned, but in a dress, it's like wearing a costume at work. It's out of place, it's uncomfortable, it's not me. I'd probably feel less awkward, ridiculous and humiliated if I was just plain naked.

It's the whole "doll" thing, for me. I'm not that kind of female. Make-up, high heels, dresses, shaving, to some extent jewelry, it's just not me. I can get in the mood of doing it for a special occasion, just like I can accept to dress as a giant potato, but I'll never feel good looking or rather I'll never feel me-looking. I don't actually care if I can look /better/ that way, it would just not be me.

So I figure, on a different extent of course, that it's a similar feeling to be trans. Like, if people look at my legs in the street (if I'm wearing shorts) or comment on my hairs, it makes me feel sad and rejected, but the idea of shaving my legs is about as appealing to me as the idea of shaving my head. Although honestly I would probably mind the latter less.
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:iconcamillejade:
camillejade Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Interface Designer
I say to hell with normal, be your self! Don't let society tell you that "not" being normal is a bad thing. I feel sorry for everyone who believe that they are normal, they don't get to see/enjoy all the beauty that is around us everywhere. :)
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:iconshiki-scarlet:
Shiki-Scarlet Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Lets not forget TG people coming out to there families, some don't take it as well as others can be quite a hellish expernence for many, going through paranoia, fear about losing there family or friends through it, being made fun or or disowned quite a scary prospect, hell even my old man is a weird case he has nothing against gays or bi's yet transgendered people don't rub off on him. I notice theres alot of talk about gay/bi rights and I'm happy more people are accepting but I feel transgendered people don't get as much publicity or limelight when it comes to activism and rights so alot of people take the wrong idea about it.

I hope one day we reach an era where nobody cares and people just do what they wish without any judgement passed on them.

Anyway another good page of a fantastic comic, keep it up ^_^
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:iconlahar0:
Lahar0 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
On the artistic side of things this page shows a very improved designe for Rain and i do have to agree Gavin does look a bit scruffy but im acepting thats how hes suppoed to look nya =P

As for what this page relates well i guess it will hit home or close to it for most ppl that are either TG, CD, gay or lesbian nya cause come on if some of this tells you their life is rose colored and they never envountered a person like this they probably are laying a bit or are the most lucky persons int he world nya

Normal shouldnt be what society dictates it has to be how each an every one feels comfortable on their own skin and i guess especially TG ppl can really understand this cause for them being normal is going trough all the transition just for them to feel normal

Loved the page and the way the comic is going and how one can relate to events and emotions so easily nya girl never stop writing cause you have a talent like very few ppl nya ^-^
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:iconprincessjessica:
PrincessJessica Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
very deep
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:icondragon8writer:
dragon8writer Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
The dialogue feels a little awkward in the second panel, but overall the page is good. ^^
Reply
:iconjocelynsamara:
JocelynSamara Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Professional Writer
Please elaborate. It feels natural to me.
Reply
:icon14bj337:
14bj337 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2011
I agree with dragon8writer on this one. To be fair, I didn't notice anything on my first readthrough, but it did look kind of awkward when I looked back at it.

"You've got to believe me, Gavin. You were my only friend. You meant the world to me.
"That's why I couldn't tell you! I didn't want to risk losing you."

That's how I would've written it (I haven't written anything substantial, though, so don't take me too seriously;)). I think the problem with Rain's dialoge in panel two is that it's too sterile. After digging up so much of her past, I think she'd speak with a bit more emotion (and "this made you an important person in my life" sounds impersonal and vacant).

But, I step back. You are the writer, and as such, you are the most in-tune with your characters, and the only one fit to tell their story. I enjoy and respect your writing style, and I eagerly await more Rain!
Reply
:icondragon8writer:
dragon8writer Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011
Hard to explain - the phrasing just feels off when i read it out loud - it might be a personal thing, but it feels just a little forced to me.

If I had to quantify... the sentence feels too long for it, and I'm not sure whether one would say "this" or "that" gramaer wise. Personally, I'd probably just say "You were the only friend in my life, back then; you were... important to me.Despite that, I still couldn't risk telling you about this back then..." or something of that nature, but I don't know if that's really a "Rain" way to phrase it, or just my personal tastes.

I'm pretty sensitive to dialogue - but sometimes it's hard to tell whether a line really _is_ unnatrual, or if it's just an idiosyncratic bit of phrasing, or even just a different way of putting things than I'm used to. (It does feel a little awkward - and a little formal, even - to me, though. ^^; )

I enjoyed the page as a whole regardless, though. :)
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:iconkirukachan:
KirukaChan Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Being trans is like being Spider-Man. You're just trying to make the best of something you didn't want; but J. Jonah Jameson is spreading lies about you because he refuses to understand you, a whole bunch of people are trying to kill you, and your loved ones always end up in bad situations because of their connections to you. Not to mention when someone with similar circumstances to your own catches a lucky break, they run off somewhere never to be seen again.
Reply
:iconjocelynsamara:
JocelynSamara Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Professional Writer
That may be the single most fascinating trans comparison I've ever heard. Kudos. :spidey:
Reply
:iconchicken-yuki:
Chicken-Yuki Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011   Traditional Artist
And whether or not Mr. Jameson needs photos of you is another story....

Let's hope he doesn't.

*shot*

(Er... sorry.... ^^; )
Reply
:iconzanagb:
ZanaGB Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Well, being normal usually means join the group of the majority of people, more than being normal, i think it is a matter to be oneself
Reply
:iconmusicallover1234:
Musicallover1234 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Student Writer
I think most people want to be normal, in my case I am normal but in a weird way. But its hard to determine what normal is since it changes because of so many things. And for transgendered people normal they are not their idea of normal, and anyone who thinks that it is something that people can turn off and on doesn't really understand transgendered people.
Reply
:icon14bj337:
14bj337 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
Rain being posted twelve hours early? Is this Christmas in July or something?
Serioualy, though, I like how Rain is finally being direct and authentic with Gavin. I think that one of the problems earlier on (and one cause of their falling-out) was that Rain never explained to Gavin why she is the way she is (to be fair, Gavin didn't give her much of a chance). Gavin thought, at first, that Rain wanted to be a girl and abandon her past, when in fact those were things she needed to do. I foun her last line very interesting: "But in to be normal, this is what I have to do, no matter how much of a nuisance it is." One would think that if she wants to be normal, she would just live as a boy. Yet, for whatever reason, she cannot. Rain feels a consuming need to be a girl, so to live normally, she must pretend that she is completely female. And that, I suppose, is the curse suffered by transgenders everywhere.
This page also brings up the distinction between "want" and "need", which I think is a great discussion. Are needs purely physical (food, water, shelter), or can needs be emotional as well (family, identity)? Although Rain could physically live as a male (she did so for most of her life so far), I wonder if the mental and emotional anguish (caused by her being something she doesn't want to be) would be too much for her to bear. Also, is a need just a very strong want, or are the two distinct? People often want various, sometimes contradictory, things at one time, to varying degrees. Does a kleptomaniac strongly want to steal things, or does he need to steal? Does an anorexic strongly want to deny herself food, or does she need to (in either case, going against the physical need for food)? Does a want that the person hasn't the will or the desire to resist then become a need? I don't have the answers, but I know this can be a contentious subject.
Getting back to the actual page, however, I really like how you use character's poses to convey their feelings. Gavin, with his hands behind his back and his face down, looks guilt-wracked and penitent. Meanwhile, Rain goes from being sorrowful (head down) to adamant (hands on chest) to explanatory (index finger raised). And of course, the hand-on-the-head is a classic pose of confusion.
Yet another great page of Rain-Gavin dialogue. Thy're both very complex characters with a very complicated relationship, and I love seeing them developed.
Reply
:iconchitttick1:
chitttick1 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I don't know if this is a stupid question or not, but what does cisgendered mean? ^^;
Reply
:iconjocelynsamara:
JocelynSamara Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Professional Writer
Someone who is not transgendered is cisgendered. It's not nearly as widely known of a term, but that IS the technical term.
Reply
:iconchitttick1:
chitttick1 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh okay, thanks. :)
Reply
:iconynot1989:
YNot1989 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Makes sense. I mean no matter how you look at it, from the perspective of someone who is by definition not in the right body, the desire to simply not have to deal with all that and just be satisfied with who you are is in many ways a universal wish of most people; for you its just more fundamental.
Reply
:iconcoffinstufferd:
coffinstufferd Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
Its certainly not a choice. I feel like everyone else has the disorder, because they ar the ones who have the problem with what I do.
Reply
:iconanimasword:
Animasword Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Huh. An early update? What a pleasant suprise.
This was certainly an interesting page and it gives a good insight into Rain's character as well as being a good conversation starter.
Reading that description reminded me of an old quote from a british philosopher, "the ignorant are always so sure of themselves whilst the wisest are filled with doubts". It doesn't matter completly and utterly wrong these people are, they'll hold onto their beliefs because it's much simpler than trying to comprehend the fact that sometimes there are people that can't accept their gender.
Hell even as a....oh feck it, austic person I've come across this crap, my favorite being a youtuber who claimed that all autisic people are self-diagonosed misfits who use that word to explain away their poor social skills (that's so ignorant it's hilarious and sick making at the same time).
Reply
:icon16bithero1995:
16bithero1995 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
Normal is the only thing i want to be...
Reply
:iconkleptoid:
Kleptoid Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
i'm glad to have found some supportive people, even now i'm still looking to start some where else
Reply
:iconlouisdragon109:
louisdragon109 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know if it means anything but what the heck here goes

I won this year in the ecr cathegory (we saw psychology and all that, analyses and stuff)(don't worry I'm not here to brag XD)

and man I think this is brilliant, the plot, the story, the way they react it's amazing

it's human-like

ppl can relate

anyway that's my personnal opinion ^^;
Reply
:iconcrystallovemaster:
CrystalLoveMaster Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Student Digital Artist
I tried not crossdressing for a month, but I eventually did it again anyway, because its a part of me.
Reply
:iconsnaggs15:
snaggs15 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Same here, I did it for a year. I had some weird thing going on in my head leading to some weird multiple personality type thing, so to try to get rid of that I stopped for a year. I started dressing like I wanted again and thankfully the personality change didn't come back :)
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:iconcrystallovemaster:
CrystalLoveMaster Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Student Digital Artist
I'm glad that you're okay now, because sometimes multiple personalities can suck, because if you get a good one you can also get a bad one, and that bad one can try and kill you, but then again i'm getting to horror, and sci-fi, anyway try not to let that happen again or it may be a struggle for your life. And i've checked out your gallery and you have some good stuff keep up the good work.
Reply
:iconchihuahua0:
chihuahua0 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Student Writer
Rain's character design looks great on this page, but Gavin looks rough and scrunched together.
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:iconsnaggs15:
snaggs15 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It is annoying when people tell me stuff like "Oh, not today, can you be not gq today?". It's not something that can be chosen, and not a lot of people get that, unfortunately :/

Along the same lines of it being a choice, have you seen the When did you choose to be straight video?
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:icon14bj337:
14bj337 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
Haha... Really good video! It's amazing how a simple inversion of the question can cause people to think differently about the issue. There are some things you just can't control. It's like telling a black man that he should be white. If it were really a choice (as one woman in the video said), then almost everyone would choose to fit in. That's exactly the kind of thing Rain talked about: she doesn't want to be transgendered, she just wants to be normal.

And I don't mean to pry, but what does "gq" stand for?
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:iconsnaggs15:
snaggs15 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Genderqueer
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:icon14bj337:
14bj337 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
Thanks for letting me know! Funny how one often has to admit one's own ignorance in order to overcome it.
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:iconsnaggs15:
snaggs15 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
now you know! and knowing is half the battle! :D lol
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