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Submitted on
June 30, 2011
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RAIN p.90 - All My Life by JocelynSamara RAIN p.90 - All My Life by JocelynSamara
(Very early today. Finishing up last bits of packing so I can go out see my friends one last time before I leave tomorrow, so there's a good chance I woluldn't be around tonight to post it at the correct time.)

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People ask me the same thing ALL the time: “Have you REALLY always been like this?” The question is always asked in such a way that implies it’s completely unbelievable and impossible that someone could have inherently always known they were in the wrong body (nevermind that this is actually documented as being the statistical norm for transgendered individuals). I know it’s not intended to be offensive (most of the time), but it can still come off as harsh and/or rude.

In Gavin’s case (as well as the case of many who ask this question), he’s never known Rain to be anything other than Ryan. It’s hard to swallow. How could people hide something so important to them? But don’t we ALL have something to hide because we’re afraid it might hurt others… or ourselves?

And if you say “no” to that, you’re only proving my point…

Oh, and first ever mention of Rain’s dad…

Whew. Heavy page followed by heavy commentary. For all it matters, Rain is pretty slick at rapidly changing the subject if things start to get uncomfortable for her.

Rain, all characters and all other aspects of the story are copyright material belonging to me.
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VixTheNinthFox Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  New member
i can't remember when maybe 6-10 area i had thoughts that maybe i was a girl, at the time i pushed them away because physically i obviously wasn't, i didn't understand then that it didn't always work quite that way

took me until 17 (this year) to figure out that i am a girl
Ryu890 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012

I remember playing with my Mom's makeup when I was young. And constantly stealing her heels.

But.... *sighs* My memory is fuzzy. I distincly remember being emotionally unstable during much of my early years. I lived with an abusive father, and found my escape within the virtual worlds of my old Sega Saturn, and eventually my Playstation 2.

Seriously....I ignored all my feelings....because I made video games my entire wasn't really until the divorce that I started recognizing just how wrong things were....

Tigerfestivals Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I used to mess with my grandmas jewelry, wear my moms shoes, and play with barbies. I never had any identity problems nor an urge to be a girl...I think it just confuses and troubles kids when parents don't let them play with certain toys growing up. The better thing would be just to let them be themselves, and not give mixed messages.
Ryu890 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013
Its not even like my parents were telling me "No! Don't you DARE play with the girl toys!"

There just..wern't any around at the time. I grew up with just me and my brother. 99% of our toys growing up were eaither gender-neutral or male-oriented.
Tigerfestivals Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hmm, i see.
I just felt like replying since my little cousins situation seemed relevant. He expressed an interest in wearing wigs and playing dress up in flashy (oftentimes girlish) costumes. His mother was concerned with this behavior, but her efforts to stop it only made him want to do it more. Now his mother doesn't bother him about it, and he does it less often (though he still does it from time to time, he's just not told no to).
The problem is that some parents think the they must show the kids how to "be a man" or "act like a lady" when the children can probably figure their own way to do that, without confusing and potentially harmful regulation from their parents.
TLDR: Parents seem too concerned with whether their kid "acts their gender"
Ryu890 Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013
:P Tell me about it.
My Mom is ridiculously concerned that my sister won't be able to 'fit in' with her fellow girls. Thus, she discourages her to play with swords, monsters, or anything that isn't a princess or a pony. She doesn't even want her to get a Yu-Gi-Oh deck. XP Seriously.
Tigerfestivals Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That's...pretty lame. "Fitting in" is the last thing she ought to worry about, imho. Unless your sister has a legitimate attitude problem, since her not fitting in because of that is more important. But that doesn't sound like the case, and just trying to fit in by doing similar things as others doesn't make sense.
Ryu890 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013
Tell me about it. Its what I've been telling her since...for-freaking-ever. But Mom doesn't want to listen. Mom doesn't want her to be 'her'. She wants her to be 'her perfect little princess'. *groans*.
Eunacis Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012  Student Writer
Speaking of assumptions being the exact opposite of statistical norms:

Scuicides rarely, if never, come with a note. ie: The Scuicide note.
2ndAvatar Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, god, I hate the "have you always been like this" question so much and I'm only lesbian. I can only imagine how annoying it would be to get it about something as natural as your gender. "YES I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A GIRL!!!!!" :XD:

On a side note, I just realized that probably about 40% of my friends are trans. Huh. Keep up the great work!
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