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LAVENDER TOWN: Chapter 5

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What am I thinking?  
I can’t believe that I did that.  That I’m still doing it.  I suppose by popular standards, it’s not what one would call a “passionate kiss”.  It’s pretty much just my lips touching hers.  However, it’s not exactly unpleasant either.  I just can’t seem to stop.  Neither does she.
Ever since the other day when she kissed me on the cheek, I suspected that she might be gay.  And whatever.  She’d already done so much for me; I wasn’t going to sell her short on account of something as petty as that.  Especially not on some blind assumption.  But then when I was over at Lavie’s place last night, I did overhear her and her grandma talking to each other.  Her grandma seemed to believe I was her latest “conquest” or something.  As ridiculous as some of the dialogue was, it had pretty much confirmed my theory.  I just figured that if she wanted to tell me, she would.
And she basically did.
But me?  I’ve never considered myself to be gay.  Although, I guess I never considered myself to be straight either.  I’ve just never had those kinds of feelings for anyone.  No one has ever given me any reason to feel that way.  But if Lavie is the first person to make me feel like this, does that mean that I AM a lesbian?  Was Valerie actually right about something for once?
I’m so confused.
But I’m so happy.  Lavie makes me happy.  That’s all that matters, right?


Chapter 5 – Amanda’s First Kiss

Our lips finally disconnect after some unknown amount of time.  It was short, or at least it felt that way.  Perhaps just shorter than I wanted it to be.  I feel like I could’ve done that for hours.  
I see that Lavie is nearly as perplexed as I am.  She wears a smile, but I think it’s partly as a means of hiding the shock and disbelief that what just happened actually happened.
“Amanda…” she begins slowly.  “Are you…?”
She starts but stops herself midsentence.  I believe the next word is intended to be “gay”.  I can’t guarantee anything, but I suspect she doesn’t actually want to use the word for fear of offending me.  Which I guess is reasonable.  I’ve really shown my weak side to her just before we kissed.    
“I don’t know.  It just seemed like the best thing I could do.”  I tell her with utmost honesty.  Perhaps more honest than I even intended.  “I’m sorry, Lavie.  I’m not sure why I did that.”
“It’s okay, Amanda.  Don’t apologize.  You didn’t do anything wrong.”  Lavie says as she gets back up to her feet.  She helps me up as well.  “Um… is everything okay now?”
“Yeah.  I should probably get back home soon.  Much as I don’t want to go, I don’t want to impose too much on you and your grandparents.”  But, I do dread to think what my mother will say to my not coming home last night.
“Of course.  I understand.” She says quietly with a big grin on her face.  Lavie hasn’t stopped smiling since we kissed.  I honestly don’t think she CAN stop.  I’m convinced that if she witnessed a person’s head explode right now, she might be horrified, but her smile would remain.  “We’ll swing back over to my place so you can get your clothes and then I’ll take you home.”

And we do.  
While I am only inside her house for a fairly short period of time, and I never go out of my way to do anything other than change back into my normal clothes, I can feel the stares of her grandparents on me no matter what I do or where I am.  Their disapproval is almost tangible.  It’s like they knew what I did to their darling granddaughter.  Actually, I feel pretty bad for Lavie.  I have a hunch they’re going to give her an earful after I leave.
Though in actuality, I really should be more worried about myself.  I effectively ran away from home for a day.  My mother will undoubtedly spend hours squawking at me about how worried she was.  All the while, Calvin will be up my ass trying to get the dirt on where I’ve been out of me.  And Dwayne… he probably won’t say or do anything as per usual.  Unless of course I defend myself against his son, apparently.
God, why am I going back home again?
After returning to my usual attire, I descend the stairs to find Lavie waiting at the bottom.  She signals for me to walk faster to the front door.  Thanks to the awkward atmosphere, I don’t need to be told twice, so I do indeed take my walking speed up a notch and head out the door.  Before the door closes behind me, I see Lavie still standing there with her back to me.  I hear her grandma say, “When you get back, we’re going to have a talk.”  

I once again find myself in Lavie’s car.  We sit there for a while before she says anything or even starts the car.  She seems distressed, which I suppose is reasonable after the morbid farewell her grandmother let her go on.  I want to say something; to do anything to alleviate her troubles like she’s done for me, but nothing comes out.  I have no idea what to say.  Truthfully, I suck at cheering people up.  I’m really good at tearing people down though.  Perhaps that isn’t the most useful skill in this scenario.
I say her name to get her attention and snap her back to reality.  Lavie immediately looks up to me and smiles.  “Sorry, Amanda.  I kind of lost myself for a second there.”
“Um, it’s okay.” I answer.  “Are you going to be okay though?”
“Don’t you worry about it, Amanda.  Everything is fine.  My grandmother gives me this ‘talk’ at least once a week.  It’s not really anything that bad.”  She assures me.
I watch her quietly while she pauses as though trying to mull something over in her head as quickly as she can.  “I would like to keep hanging out with you.  I mean, in the future.  Like if you’re free tomorrow or any weekends to come.  Even after school, maybe.”
It surprises me that she states this.  By now, she still hasn’t realized how indispensible she is to me?  After all we discussed?  After what I did.  Lavie is truly important to me.  Although, I don’t know what it is exactly that I want from her besides her being there, I know that I DO want her to be there.  All the time.  She actually manages to make me feel… optimistic.
“Of course, Lavie.  Any time you want to hang out, I’ll be available.  Do you need my number?” I say, trying not to sound too desperate.  Truthfully, I don’t think I succeeded.  But she smiles and thanks me.

She pulls up in front of my house and parks.  We look at each other again.  We’re silent.  I don’t think either one of us has any idea how to say goodbye to the other.  Either that or neither one of us really wants to go home right now.  Or maybe it’s both.
“Um… good luck, I guess.” Lavie starts.  “Don’t get in too much trouble.”
We both laugh weakly.  “Thanks.  You too.”
“I’ll see you later?”
“Tomorrow, if you’d like.” I tell her.
With that she leans over and hugs me.  Her body is warm and comfortable.  I can’t think of anything in my life that has ever made me feel so at ease.  And out of the blue, I let her know, “Even if it took four years, I’m glad I finally got to meet you, Lavie.”
Her embrace tightens.  “Thank you.  Me too.”
After some amount of time, we separate and quietly bid each other goodbye.  I smile and wave as I leave the car and keep looking back as I head up the walkway to my house.  Once I reach the door, I turn back one last time and watch as she waves again and drives away.   
The moment I open the door, it’s as though I’ve opened Pandora’s Box itself.  I seem to release a violent barrage of questions in my direction.  “Where have you been?  What were you thinking just going off like that?  Did you stay somewhere last night?  I almost called the police, wondering where you were!”  My mom interrogates me at mach speed.  All at once, my newly optimistic outlook shatters into a million pieces.
I think a simple “hello” would’ve sufficed.
Seriously though, she was worried?  Really?  She didn’t STOP me from leaving.  She also didn’t call the police by now; almost exactly twenty-four hours after I’d stormed out.  I admit that while I was out today, I was very afraid of being spotted.  But it actually stings a little to think I’m almost positive no one was even looking.
I don’t say any of this though.  Instead, I tell her, “I was fine.  I spent the night and today at a friend’s house.  I just needed some fresh air.”  After that, I pass by her without another word.
“If you’re going out for a while, you should let us know where you’re going.”  The bitch always needs the last word.  It pinches my last nerve but I hold my tongue.  If Lavie hadn’t spent all day putting me in such a good mood, I think I’d be much less patient.  I let her win this round, and continue to my room.
How unfair it is that it takes so long to enter a good mood, and only seconds to enter a bad one.
As I reach the top of the stairs, I see the door to Calvin’s room open slightly.  “So, where’ve you been?”  He repeats my mother’s words in a tone that shows curiosity rather than concern.  Again, I keep quiet.  If I don’t want to talk to my own mother, than who the hell is he?  Keep in mind, there’s a number of choice words I’d like to say to him, but I decide it’s not worth the irritation trying to discuss something with him.  Plus, I know it’ll aggravate him more to get no response.
I let myself into my room and lock the door.  I can’t help but think that Dwayne must be the most worried of all.  He must feel SO bad now that he caused this whole fiasco in the first place.  I bring myself to a chuckle thinking about it.  

I lie on my bed and dwell on the past week.  Everything happened so fast, I almost can’t explain what’s transpired to myself.  Why did we collide in the hall in the first place?  It wasn’t that long ago, but I don’t even remember anymore.  But if we hadn’t, would she have picked me up on the way to school the next day?  Would I have still obtained her phone number?  What the hell would I have done last night if I didn’t have her to fall back on?  Would I have called Chris?  
Realistically, I probably would’ve just come back home after a while, hungry and defeated.  I would’ve continued to deal with these three irritating me in their own special ways.  And when Monday rolls around, I would remain stuck with them because I would be suspended for the next week.
The more I think about it, the more I really owe her quite a bit for everything.  It seems like in the past week, she’s helped me more than any person has collectively helped me in my life.  But it was all really dumb luck that we ended up bonding quite as much as we have.  Could things really start to get better?  Have I finally escaped my crappy routine to find a better more delightful situation?

I don’t get up for the rest of the night.  Lavie remains on my mind the whole time; to the point where I don’t know if I’ll ever get to sleep.  I can’t stop thinking that I want to see her again.  I’m really, genuinely excited to spend time with another person.  Thinking of her just puts a smile on my face.  I even laugh at myself a little.  I feel so ridiculous.
And…
Well, it’s kind of embarrassing.

I really want to kiss her again.
The story thus far:
Chapter 1 - [link]
Chapter 2 - [link]
Chapter 3 - [link]
Chapter 4 - [link]
Chapter 5 - This one
Chapter 6 - [link]
Chapter 7 - [link]
Chapter 8 - [link]
Chapter 9 - [link]

Jan. 19 '09


Short chapter, yeah? But it's not so much for rushing like the last chapter. I just covered everything I wanted to in this chapter MUCH faster than usual.

Besides, for the first time, we're going to move ahead now, past the same week the whole story's taken place within so far. Lavender Town is going to pick up a little pace now and we'll start to get into the story itself. Those first five chapters: totally just introduction.

But now that the stage is set and we know who the characters are, I can move forward into the nitty gritty of Lavender Town. I hope you all continue to enjoy it. And I hope you can forgive me for this chapter being so short.

As with previous chapters, opinions on storytelling are more important to me than opinions on artwork. I like hearing (for better or worse) what people think. Favorite character or scene? I'd love to hear about it. Lame character or scene? I still want to hear about it... though maybe not as much... but it IS important.

Also, if anyone catches any grammatical or spelling errors or if you spot any plotholes (I tried to weed these all out, but I'm sure I missed some), please let me know.

Thanks for reading! Hope you like it!

©2007-2009
Lavender Town, Amanda Kertigan, Lavie Jennings and all other aspects of the story are copyright material, belonging to me.
© 2009 - 2024 JocelynSamara
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Blasphemous-Joy's avatar
This chapter offers a brief respite from the intense, rising drama of the first four chapters. Especially after the kiss scene. We do get to look from Amanda's perspective again, which shows us what she's thinking. I especially like the first few paragraphs, and how they show thoughts before the actual story. It's an interesting method, and I think it's really effective.
My favorite line of the page is "I’ve never considered myself to be gay. Although, I guess I never considered myself to be straight either. I’ve just never had those kinds of feelings for anyone.", because I've felt this way before too. I can't say for certain that I've ever held romantic feelings for anyone before. Perhaps calling people "straight" or "gay" is a fundamentally wrong way of looking at the issue; perhaps it's all about finding the right person, regardless of sex or gender. And it looks like Amanda and Lavie have both found just the right person.